Y'already know

I'm back. It's been a long time coming. To all the haters out there, just keep on calling.

Etcetera, etcetera, along with many more failed attempts at being a G.

Different year, same me? Well, duh. I haven't bumped my head or developed multiple personalities since I was here last (that I know of).

Some housekeeping notices:

- I have changed my blog name and background. Why? Because I'm old. With age comes wisdom and wisdom told me that my blog name and background was stank. Gasp! How rude! So anyway, out with the old and in with the new and all that sorta stuff. And also, I love big bookshelves and books and yes, I'm old. And yes, I would love to build my house soon just so I can have a library, with built-in floor to ceiling bookshelves across whole walls. Aaaaahhh...

- I will be ranting randomly still. Unfortunately, wisdom gapped it after the above revelation, so my writing style is still kind of the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid. Kinda. (Thanks T.I. for the borrowed lyrics).

- I've moved houses, so for all of you out there who are meaning to send donuts (again, no comment from wisdom on donut consumption) I'm happy to provide the address :) I love how donuts became a fashionable food just when I decided to try "clean eating". Universe, watchu tryna say?

OK, I'm outtie. Looking forwarding to "journeying with you" and "partnering with you" and all that fluffy stuff.

#peace

Credit

My 3 month old starting sleeping through the night from when she was 6 weeks old.

Did you just think, "How lucky of you to have such a good baby" ? That's the response I always get. And it annoys me. Yes, this baby actually is really good. She has a calm and chilled-out nature. She's alert and very responsive to human interaction. But that's not why she sleeps so well.

She has been put on a strict routine of sleeping, feeding and wake times since she was 1 week old. This has involved waking her up at times when I just wanted to let her sleep, and putting her down while awake (she, not I) to settle herself to sleep (translation: cry). The long term (ie lifelong) goal is to stabilise her hunger and sleeping habits. The short term effect is that she sleeps through the night from what seems to many to be an impossibly early age.

So while I agree that this wee bundle of joy is indeed a good baby, please note that the more important factor is that she and I have worked very hard for this result. Three kids on, it's still heart wrenching to listen to your baby learn to settle themselves to sleep. It was more than "luck", and more than having a "good baby". Give me some credit man!

Rant over.

PS. I'm always happy to give tips on implementing routines to those who ask :)

The secret

What is the secret to a successful marriage? This is the type of question that one gets asked upon reaching a marriage milestone. As we approach our ten year wedding anniversary I have found that, like the dragon scroll and the noodle soup in Kung Fu Panda, there is no secret ingredient. *Gasp*

I have often read in blogs, articles (and other things that people with time write on the internet) that marriage is not work, because loving someone means the time and effort you put in to your relationship doesn't count as "work". Let me just say that from my own personal experience - what a load of horse shit hogwash!

Living with a person, sharing a home, children, extended families, dreams and fears - this opens up a world of vulnerabilities, and an infinite number of opportunities to hurt and be hurt by this person, on a level that is unimaginable. Your Venn diagram intersects for the really important issues/values, but there's so much of your individual circles that are still separate (refer diagram below for geeky mathematics illustration).

Their circle, your circle, and the intersection

After 5 years of marriage I thought we had made it over the hump and it would be smooth sailing the rest of the way. As it turns out, life isn't quite done with us yet. There have been many more highs, lows and kids. I would be lying if I said that maintaining a stable marriage in the midst of the craziness of life isn't work. But through this work, our relationship has matured and deepened. It's different. It's better.

This rambling post is not to discourage from marriage. I am happier today in my marriage than I ever have been. But along the way I have also been the unhappiest I have ever been too. I am now more understanding of those who have made the decision to end a marriage. I am now more understanding of those who have persevered to save a marriage.

So what's the secret to a successful marriage? When you see someone who has gone through a drastic weight loss, you want to know the secret to their success. The shortcut. But the answer is already widely known, it's the same and only answer that has truly worked - diet and exercise. I have found the same to be true here. There is no secret ingredient. Communication, compromise, forgiveness, acceptance, love. That's all. Now good luck ;)

Landlord-tenant relationships

I hate renting. Partially because it's too much of a lottery what kind of property and landlord I end up with. And partially because I want to live in a house that is mine, so I can tinker and really start putting into practice the extensive (ummm would we say extensive?) knowledge I've gained from watching a million house renovation shows.

In the past 4 years we have moved 3 times, and in a month we will be moving again. Roughly around my due date. Happy happy joy joy. Clever us.

I've noticed that there are 3 phases of the relationship between landlord and tenant:

Phase 1: The Courting Phase
You need a place to stay and he needs someone to stay in his place.
You: [portraying the hard-working, super clean, super joyful person you're not] No condition on the rental property is too much. Want a cup of tea? Some scones? How is daughter?
Landlord: I'm sure you guys will be great. Let me know as soon as anything needs maintenance and I'll get onto it RIGHT AWAY. I don't think your children will be too noisy for the neighbours at all.

Phase 2: The Reality Phase
He finds out that you're actually too busy and tired and lazy to keep the house as spic and span as it looked in the first inspection. You start to accumulate (hoard) things that stack up unattractively throughout the house.
You realise the lack of storage that you thought would be a minor factor is actually a major pain in the ass, and you run out of space to store your stuff.
Random tradies turn up on the property without you knowing.
You don't weed the garden for a year or so.
The email and text communications start lacking in smiley faces and LOLs.

Phase 3: The Love-And-Leave Phase
The lease is coming to an end. You want to leave. He wants you to leave.
You need a good reference. He needs you to present the house well for potential tenants.
You: Sure, I'll clean the top of the rangehood that no one will see. Clean the shower again? Of course! We are free for viewings anytime that suits you.
Landlord: Put me down for a reference, I'll be sure to give you a great one. Let's plan the viewings around the kids' nap times. I won't give the address out in case people come by unannounced and hassle you.
etc etc


And round it goes again. Rinse and repeat.

Please Lord give us a place that we will want to stay at for several years. Or better yet give us a million bucks so we can buy our own house. Amen.

Happy ... year?

It's the 20th of January now, so is "Happy New Year" still an acceptable thing to say?

Oh well, it still feels new to me, because we only arrived back in our home 2 days ago after a month or so visiting family in Auckland and Fiji (more on THAT to follow!)

No resolutions this year, except to not get pregnant ever again. #lolnotlol

It's looking to be a challenging year up ahead with the following:

* paying back debt from taking a holiday we couldn't afford

* new baby (God willing) plus all the stress and financial strain that will come with her

* rebuild of our extended family home and all the financial strain from that

* family reunion planning and all the financial strain from that (is it just me or is there some kind of pattern here??)


So I guess another resolution should be to not miss buying a Lotto Powerball ticket every week. Problems solved.

Here we go again. Boobs up and asses out!

xx

Journal

This feels like some kind of voyage journal.

This is week 27. The seas have been rough. Food supplies are running low but the crew are in high spirits. Lol.

Anyway, this is week 27. What has happened?

• We found out Spock the Speck is a girl. She is still Spock though, because why can't she be? Boys can wear tutus and girls can wear pants and we'll soon be zooming around in hovercrafts, right? (Huh)
• Spock is active. Make that super active. Super hyper active. I go to bed to the beat of her kicking, and wake up to it. Whether I'm sitting or lying down, moving around or completely still, she kicks. The midwife reckons movement is a good sign. Yet in the back of my mind I wonder ... is this much movement really good? Ka'ilo. Maybe she's hungry. Or maybe she's saying please stop eating I'm running out of space in here. Bossy kid. Typical girl.
• We went to Samoa for a couple of weeks. It was ... an adventure. Travelling with two young kids and one on the way, and not having the other parent to help on both flights to and from ... it near drove me mad. It was definitely not a "holiday". But it was home. And it was with my whole family, and we hadn't been together in Samoa for over a decade. So I guess that means it was good, right?
• We are going to Fiji over New Year's. That's right, I get to do the whole travelling with kids and forming kid thing all over again, because I loved it so much the first time (refer above). Here's a handy hint: When you make big plans like book and pay for 2 international trips for your family in one year, do yourself a favour and use contraception.
• I'll be over 30 week preggo while in Fiji. Oh Lord please don't let me give birth there. Not meaning anything negative towards the Fijian health system. I am just a super paranoid OCD type, and I need to give birth in Wellington Hospital with my own midwife, or else. Hear that, Spock? Or else!
• McDonald's now have $1 Frozen Cokes ... a bit late to the party as Burger King has had that deal for years now. I don't know why I thought it was relevant to mention that here. Hmmm.

Ok, long boring update done. I promise the next post will be stimulating and quirky. Lol. Yea, if I got someone else to write it for me. Any volunteers? Be a darl and swing by KFC on the way over and get us a Wicked Wings lunch pack as well. Kisses!

Whale update

I'm huge. Like, literally.

I eat everything. Like, literally.

I think I'm done with pregnancy. This is the last one! There will be no more funny business until someone gets the snip. Like ... ok, good luck with that one.

Recessive gene drama

That awkward moment when your own first cousin asks if your kid's dad is Chinese, even though you're married to a pureblood Samoan. OMG.

Then your own daughter declares, "I am from Samoa, and Anty is from China!" LOL.

I don't know what the big deal is. He's obviously a Samoan. See for yourself.

Superwoman

These crazy hormones have given me the amazing superpower of supreme knowledge of everything!

e.g.
The man asks when Spock's due date is...
Me: "March 11th, but I would say it would be 1 to 2 weeks earlier."
Man: "Okaaay ... why?"
Me: "I don't think the lady who did our dating scan did it right."
Man: [confused] "Really?"

Now let me take a moment to explain that I have no medical training. I am not a midwife, an obstetrician, a radiologist, nor have I ever been a medical receptionist, or cleaner of any medical facility for that matter. Hence, the man's confusion. Now back to the story.

Me: "Yes. Remember, she was still a trainee and had a supervisor there to guide her?"
Man: [pretending to remember] "Uh-huh."
Me: "Well, she was supposed to be measuring crown-rump, but her hand was really unsteady and she wasn't quite getting it right. I reckon she dated us on a shorter crown-rump measurement than the baby's actual length. About a couple of weeks off."
Man: [now completely bewildered] "Okay."


Yep, it's lucky that I know everything, so we can just ignore all the medical professionals and listen to Google and the voices in my head (aka FIAPOKO!!). I've become one of those people that I loooooove to hate. Lord help me, but more so help the poor folks who cross my all-knowing path.

Wednesday

I'm a ray of sunshine today.

I'm working from home (what's new) with no car .

There's no bread in the house. No taro. No bananas. No bagels. No carbs. No point in going on. (OK maybe a tad dramad?)

I lost an hour of my morning on the ASOS website and coincidentally lost some money from my credit card around the same time. Weird.

The testers working with me on a project assigned me a "defect". It's not a defect. The only defect is in the workings of the brain of the person who didn't understand what was supposed to be happening. Hint: that person is not me.

BUT on the bright side ...

The sun is out in Wellington. That's on the same scale as pigs trying to fly.

The kids are both well and off to to be cared for and taught by paid professionals. Praise the LOOOOORRRRD!

I do have the Dominoes Pizza phone number, and a credit card. And they deliver. Get what I'm saying...?

Where there's a will, there's a wonderful Wednesday, wight?

Happy Humpday !!!

What to expect when you're expecting

Pregnancy hormones make a negro cray, so here are some activities you might want to ease up on.

1. Voting in any elections of any significance. Because you will vote for the underdogs. Who will probably lose. Then you will lament and vent on social media for them.

2. Going shopping. Because when you get charged full price at the checkout instead of the sale price shown on the racks, best believe you're gonna make them pay. At the expense of your dignity and your husband and children's pride.

3. Watching TV shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I usually shed a tear or two of joy at the end of such shows. But hormonal imbalances result in full waterworks requiring a whole box of tissues, and that aloe vera crap ain't cheap.

4. Listening to depressing songs. All of a sudden you can relate to every bloody person's heartaches and suffering. More crying ensues. More unnecessary expensive tissue usage. Sam Smith, get some help.

5. Exercising. Not only have your hormones loosened up your joints and crap, but your tummy will make you off-balanced and likely to look even more gumby than usual, and you realise you are forever doomed to be a flabby, wobbly whale. Which you aren't in reality, but somehow you'll convince yourself that's the truth. Cue more wailing and gnashing of teeth, followed by excessive consumption of chocolate and honey toast.

But it's a blessing right?

[Grit teeth] Right!

Vote negative

Warnings: 
* This post contains rants about the NZ 2014 election results, so if you're not interested, move along.
* These are my own opinions based on my own observations and dot connection logic. If you don't like it, that's fine. If you don't agree, that's fine. If you start posting your rebuttals in my comment section, that's not fine. Capisce?
* I don't actually think ALL rugby players are dumb just most of them.


So the election results were disappointing.

I think the worst things about it for me were:

1. The overwhelming majority of New Zealanders value money over people. Perhaps a naive and maybe inaccurate generalisation of Nat voters, but I can't help but feel that when people say that they're voting for the party that will be "best for New Zealand", they mean what's best for me. Looking out for number one. That kind of makes me feel sad. I also know people who vote for Nats because of their "more Godly morals" that will supposedly lead the nation into prosperity. Godly morals ... don't make me laugh. That's a load of white middle class cow dung that doesn't wash with me.
2. All the Pacific Island "celebrities" who endorsed the Nats this election. It's easy to love the people who will help your stacks of money go further, aye brown brother. What are you doing to help your struggling people? I think you've taken one too many concussions, uce. Your moral compass is out of alignment. Didn't understand that? It means, Monique says you're dumb.
3. Last but not least, I felt really bad for Hone. Weird. There's something about Hone I really respect. I can't put my finger on it. Anyway, I found it sad when he lost Te Tai Tokerau.

Oh and last thing, I hate the fact that I live in Peter Dumb Dunne's electorate. UGH ... yuck yuck yuck ... I feel tainted. In case you haven't figured it out, for the record I did not vote for him, and he does not represent me.  As Scar put it, I'm surrounded by idiots.

And on that positive, cheerful and encouraging note, have a blessed week punks. Back to the mines I go, Donkey needs more gold.

Work tips

When people ask stupid questions, do not vent in your reply to them, especially in an email.

Example Option 1: 

Email reply with: "Read the spec, you fool!"

Example Option 2:

Vent out loud: "Read the spec, you fool!"

Then email reply: "I will look into your query right away."

Until you win the Lotto jackpot, I recommend always choosing Option 2, for a long and prosperous career. Or just a long one.

Happy Humpday, dancers!

Not so good sorts

At the end of the Sunday news on (NZ) TV One, there's the little "Good Sorts" segment, a feel-good 5 minutes where they profile someone doing good things for others.

This is how we feel just after watching it

Do you think we are where we should be, doing what we should be doing?

Maybe our jobs are not fulfilling enough.

Should we be looking at being more generous of our time, serving others, etc etc

[Insert other deep and meaningful musings]

This is how we feel a few hours later ...

I have to stay up and finish that work deliverable that was due last week.

The kids are sick again. Bloody hell.

I can't believe it's Monday already?!

I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

[Insert plenty of moanings and groanings about our 99 first-world problems]

Sometimes the struggles in the mirror may appear realer than they are.

Sometimes they're da realest.

Hermit life

With each passing year, I become more and more antisocial. I prefer to call it "introverted". I like this definition that I came across:

Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Amen!

I'm not mean, unfriendly or pessimistic. I just find being alone so damn therapeutic! Lol.

I think it's only something an introvert would understand.

Example

I've been considering doing yoga for a while. The thought of getting old and having my body fall apart due to poor maintenance really worries. I thought yoga would be a nice and low intensity way to start.

Then I randomly found out that yoga comes on very early in the morning on one of the SKY channels. Excellent. I started doing the sessions, and surprisingly enough, I actually really enjoyed them!

Next thing you know, the husband's gym added yoga classes to their schedule. Knowing I wasn't into the whole high-intensity-spandex-weight-lifting hullaballo, his trainers suggested that perhaps I would be keen to come to the yoga classes. He thanked them and said he would let me know. They kept persisting, and the poor guy was trying to politely explain that it might not "be my thing". In other words, even if I was keen to do yoga, doing it with a whole group of people, let alone a group of fitness fanatics, well ... let's just say on my to-do list it would be just after eating slugs. Lol. The poor gym bunnies were confused. That must be the polar opposite of an introvert ... a gym bunny.

Anyway, so that's my story. No group workouts. No group therapy. No group anything.

Oh but I did find a book club that sounds so ideal. The organiser books a date, time and place (usually a cafe or bar). You turn up with a book of your choice, find whatever spot in the venue you fancy, and read your book. At the end of the scheduled time, you can meet at the bar and chat to the other book club members, or you can get up and leave without saying a word to anyone. It's like being with other people like you, doing something you all like to do, but doing it alone. It's introvert heaven.

When you see it

Kids' photo for Father's Day

Yoga

So I just started doing yoga at home.

Found out it comes on one of the SKY channels so ta-da, I don't need to pay to go in to yoga classes. Besides, ain't nobody got time to do camel toe displaying while trying to untangle their limbs.

So far I'm really enjoying it. I'm all about that downward dog aye. Lol!

Happy Father's Day, folks :D

Old couples day out

Today the old guy and I took the day off from work to spend quality time together while the kids are at school. (Yes, young ones, it does get this tragic later on in life)

You know you're old buggers though, when you both sing along (loudly) to Bloodhound Gang in the car, not missing a lyric. And you doubly confirm your old age by understanding the "you'll Lovett just like Lyle" reference.

We went to Rebel Sports (his choice) then to Whitcoulls (my choice). And this is all before 10am! I mean, the party don't stop!!

After a few hours together though, we naturally just drifted back into our respective comfort zones. So I'm here on my laptop, doing some work. And he's off to the gym. Ain't nobody got tiiime for too much romantic interaction. After this wee break we'll be refreshed and ready for lunch together.

And dass how we do here in the old folks home.

Birthday musings

Today the shadow girl turns 6. That's right. Amazingly enough, we have managed to keep a little human being alive for 6 years!

So what exciting and elaborate plans do we have in store for the day, you ask?

Well, we told the birthday girl she gets to decide what she wants for her Special Birthday Breakfast, as well as her Special Birthday Dinner. Ooooh lucky! That's one of the comments I received when I shared the birthday plans with others.

Ummm, excuse me? She is actually a very privileged little girl. She has "things" that we could only dream of having when growing up as poor little mongrels. She has a warm house, warm clothing, is never hungry (OK, that one may not be true), has the care and attention of a mother and a father, cable TV. She will have a proper birthday party on Saturday even (and I'm not talking about the traditional island style ones where the guests are the parents' and grandparents' buddies, and the menu is BBQ and beer. Nom!). What I'm trying to say is ... she's got shit!

So pardon me for not rolling out yet another red carpet today, and hail her royal highness by throwing wads of cash everywhere. My kid has been taught to be appreciative and grateful, of whatever little or much she receives. If she hasn't earned it herself, then it's extra to the nothing that she would have had otherwise.

She actually was super excited about her special breakfast of pancakes and loved her glittery birthday card. It's the little things that matter. Stop being shallow, bloody generation of entitlement.

(And the musings have officially turned into a rant. LOL!)

On that note, Happy Birthday my little super shadow girl. You carry on being cheap awesome.

Ain't nobody got time (School Edition)

My shadow girl has been going to school for a year now. And in that year, I have found out that I am a pretty useless parent as far as "supporting the school" goes.

Before
I dropped the kid off at daycare at 8am sharp, and picked her up at 5:30pm (just). They cooked for her, fed her, changed her, clothed her, educated her and entertained her. I just provided a home for sleeping at night.

Now
I have to make morning tea and lunch for the kid to take. I have to arrange and pay for before-school care and after-school care. I get emails every week from the PTA asking if I want to help with the school disco, the school fair, organising school lunch fundraising or running cake stalls.

No? Then perhaps monitoring the school crossing will tickle your fancy. Or maybe you might like to try your hand at volunteering time to run a lesson for your child's weekly Inquiry day, where you could teach about your culture, your job, or anything else outside the regular curriculum.

Ok, maybe none of those suit. But surely your friends and family will want to purchase an Entertainment Book to support the school? Ok not this week, how about next week? The week after?

ARGH!!! Make. It. Stop.

The first few times I was like, damn, I'm not free, maybe next time. But the truth is, there is no next time. There is just no time. I struggle to stay alive as it is, and ensure my little humans stay alive too. Never mind the damn goldfish (who is only alive by the good grace of God). And the career (hanging on by a thread). Then there's homework, and those "things you can do at home to help your child's education" (like WTF?). So the school committee stuff? Well, it's on the priority list, but kind of squished at the end. (Like when you went to a birthday party when you were young, and only your rich friend brought a present and card, so the rest of your gang added your names at the end of the card and eventually it ran out of space so the last few names were really tiny and kind of running downwards)

So for the good mums and dads at the school who actually contribute to the school with their time and expertise, on behalf of the disorganised, lazy, dazed and confused parents, I say a heartfelt thanks. My kid benefits greatly from the quality of education and care that the school provides as a result of your input.

As for me, I'm gonna continue with my plan of upping my "school donation" to make up for my non-participation. Problem solved.