Virtual will

Will
noun
A legal document containing instructions as to what should be done with one's money and property after one's death


I have been planning to get my will done for a while now. I am the paranoid type and am constantly worrying about Lyla's welfare should something happen to me before she reaches adulthood. I am also the lazy procrastinating type, rescheduling my appointment with the Public Trust a few times now.

The driving force behind me getting a will done is pretty much to state Lyla's legal guardians in her parents' place. It must be someone who loves her nearly as much as I, because there ain't gonna be no money coming with that kid.

It's an embarrassing truth. When the Public Trust person starts listing my assets and liabilities, and they excuse themselves, I know they'll be having a good laugh at the back somewhere at how unbalanced my will is. I will pretty much be delegating who will be paying my loans, and I don't even have a mortgage...kalofa e. Any takers?

So I had a good think about what I do have, that may not be Public-Trust-will-worthy, but nevertheless will need to be passed on to those who will truly appreciate them. And I have come up with this.

I, Bina, daughter of the Most High God, aged 21 years, resident of Windy Wellington, do hereby revoke all my former Wills that I made when I was a pimply teenager in Saoluafata. I declare this to be my virtual Will until I actually get around to making my real will.

I maintain good health (barely), and possess a sound mind (mostly).

I hereby bequeath the following items as specified:

A. Collection of rugby pics: I leave this to Sleepless. I know you will be presented with a big burden to steward such an important collection, but I trust that you will do everything in your ability to look at the pictures every day and night and will not spare your life to keep them safe.

B. My Springboks jersey: I leave this to Stella. I don't know anyone with such limitless fanaticism, and more deserving of this most treasured article of clothing.

C. My boss: I leave him to Coconut Girl. You deserve a boss that recognises and rewards your hard work, that will give you his parking spot when you are preggo and don't want to walk from the carpark way down the road (I think you will find this perk especially useful ... lol), that encourages high standards but sets these by example. Because you're worth it.

D. My trusty laptop: I leave this to Laura. The laptop is actually from work, so make sure you get to my house first and nick it. The only condition is that you must Facebook, blog and YouTube on a daily basis with this laptop. Difficult, I know. You must put aside all that socialising and extrovert activities you are currently involved with.

E. My binoculars: I leave these to Kuaback. They will come in use for your ... ummm ... "bird watching" at the beach. Please feel free to share your findings with your virtual friends.

F. My husband: Are you serious, I don't trust him to any of you crazies!!

As witnessed by my five or so blog followers this beautiful but chilly Welly day.
Long live the queens. Over and out.

What DO I do?

Just recently while the in-laws were over from Samoa for a visit, my MIL (mother-in-law) saw how I was up most nights working after the toddler was put to bed. This was after the usual full day at the office.

Curious, she asked (in Samoan) "So what do you do at your job?"

EEK! I'm sure she saw the look of helplessness on my face. I am not a teacher, laywer, mechanic, engineer, dentist or doctor. I don't work at the bank. I don't drive a bus or a taxi. I don't work in retail. Those are pretty much the only jobs I can describe accurately in Samoan. (I know, how sad). As it was, I struggled to get people to understand what I did while conversing in English.

I am an IT Consultant of sorts, primarily in Business Intelligence. Huh, you say? I work in Information Technology. Ooohh, can you fix my computer? I think that's my least favourite question. As far as anything to do with a home computer setup goes, I know as much as anyone out there who can read a manual. And I can understand how that confuses people. I mean, I'm in IT right? Like the IT department that you call to come fix your computer when it does something unexpected or undesirable. Right?

Wrong. Ok, attempt no. 3. I write programs that load data from different sources to a central location, and transform it into a format that the business owners can use to make business decisions. At this point (if the poor listener was patient enough to hang around) I get a look of "get better work stories". Ok, it is not thrilling, creative stuff. But I ... like it. If I had to work (and believe me, I do, and I will have to for quite a while yet), then this is what I want to do.

So back to my MIL. Looking at me. Expectant. I took a deep breath, and out came a jumble of words ... actually, every second word was "computer" (and that isn't even Samoan!). I can't even remember what I said, and if I did, I would never repeat it. I looked at MIL. Yep, there it was. The "okay...so you have a boring job that involves computers" look. Bingo. I think I could sign that off as a success!

Note: I actually am a competent BI Consultant...if anyone is looking for one...