Landlord-tenant relationships

I hate renting. Partially because it's too much of a lottery what kind of property and landlord I end up with. And partially because I want to live in a house that is mine, so I can tinker and really start putting into practice the extensive (ummm would we say extensive?) knowledge I've gained from watching a million house renovation shows.

In the past 4 years we have moved 3 times, and in a month we will be moving again. Roughly around my due date. Happy happy joy joy. Clever us.

I've noticed that there are 3 phases of the relationship between landlord and tenant:

Phase 1: The Courting Phase
You need a place to stay and he needs someone to stay in his place.
You: [portraying the hard-working, super clean, super joyful person you're not] No condition on the rental property is too much. Want a cup of tea? Some scones? How is daughter?
Landlord: I'm sure you guys will be great. Let me know as soon as anything needs maintenance and I'll get onto it RIGHT AWAY. I don't think your children will be too noisy for the neighbours at all.

Phase 2: The Reality Phase
He finds out that you're actually too busy and tired and lazy to keep the house as spic and span as it looked in the first inspection. You start to accumulate (hoard) things that stack up unattractively throughout the house.
You realise the lack of storage that you thought would be a minor factor is actually a major pain in the ass, and you run out of space to store your stuff.
Random tradies turn up on the property without you knowing.
You don't weed the garden for a year or so.
The email and text communications start lacking in smiley faces and LOLs.

Phase 3: The Love-And-Leave Phase
The lease is coming to an end. You want to leave. He wants you to leave.
You need a good reference. He needs you to present the house well for potential tenants.
You: Sure, I'll clean the top of the rangehood that no one will see. Clean the shower again? Of course! We are free for viewings anytime that suits you.
Landlord: Put me down for a reference, I'll be sure to give you a great one. Let's plan the viewings around the kids' nap times. I won't give the address out in case people come by unannounced and hassle you.
etc etc


And round it goes again. Rinse and repeat.

Please Lord give us a place that we will want to stay at for several years. Or better yet give us a million bucks so we can buy our own house. Amen.