Holy smokes

Tonight at life group, as we were praying for one of our fellow life group members, God spoke through me like I have never experienced before.

I was sitting there with my eyes closed, waiting for one of the more spiritually mature members of the group to speak a profound word or scripture (as you do) and the next thing I knew, my mouth opened and I was talking. Babbling. Crying (yea ok, this part was not new, I cry about everything). And I had no idea what I was going to say, so I was hearing it for the first time as the words came out of my mouth. It was a short and simple sentence, but I only just managed to get it out, and I literally felt a strong force leaving from my chest and out through my mouth. I was gulping for air. And did I mention I was crying?

I have experienced many times before while seeking God, having a phrase placed into my heart. But my head had always instantaneous picked it up, and that was where it stayed. I had never public shared these words, but acknowledged privately the revelation from God. But this time, my brain was definitely kept out of the loop. From God to lungs or heart (somewhere in my chest cavity) and out my mouth. The word "awesome" is overused and often misused. This time I feel it is really appropriate. I was truly filled with awe. I am still filled with awe. There are no other words, but "wow". I have always known that God speaks in different ways to and through different people, but I was reminded tonight in a most bizarre way that I still have so much to step into in terms of my spiritual growth, and in terms of knowing God more intimately. There are fantastic mysteries to be explored with God.

The recipient of the message said it was spot on with what she was struggling with mentally, and thanked me over and over. But I forward that thanks back to the owner of those words (hi God, I know you privately follow my blog). Thank you for allowing me to be a part of that experience. Thank you that you are.

Not to us, Lord, not to us

    but to your name be the glory

[Psalm 115:1]

Comfort food

Thank you Lord, for giving us our daily bread.

Food for the spirit:

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11

Food for the soul:

Food for the body:

...all of it...

Doin it

This morning, as I put my breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, I give thanks to God that  not only do I have a dishwasher and dishes, but for the food that was on those dishes.

I remember all the times I complained "I have nothing to wear!" or "We're eating that again?" How ungrateful. The Lord has blessed our family abundantly. Our worries are so insignificant in the big picture, and not just in this life, but eternal life.

I write this as a reminder to myself of several things:

• Always give thanks to God for all things. Always.

• There are those, not just on the other side of the world, but around us, that are much less fortunate than we. Some are driven to crime just to survive. It's easy to persecute or even try to justify their actions when you're living comfortably, but I pray that I will always try to see and move from God's perspective.

• Life is too short to stuff around trying to be a law-abiding citizen and nothing more. As much as I hate to admit it, I have barely scratched the surface of living the life that God has planned for me. Hovering on the tip of salvation is no longer enough. It's time to really dive in now. To do the deeds.

James 2:26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

Crumb

noun
A very small amount of something

Here are this week's crumbs:

Manu money matters
An article was published in "Le Weekender" exposing details about the misuse of finances donated to the Manu Samoa by the people. I won't go into it any further, except to say that it is disappointing and just downright stupid. Greed plus power is a recipe for disaster. It is especially a downer in this case, where people who had little gave a lot, and gave wholeheartedly, trusting that the funds would be managed appropriately by the stewards.

That money could have been spent on so many useful things, like paying someone to do the team's washing, to prevent this from happening:
 

Honest to goodness tweet from one of the Manu players,
whose name has been filtered out to protect his identity
(coz I'm profesh like that)

 Mad love
No matter how bad things can get, and for me they got pretty bad 2 weeks ago, God has been the light. I dread to think of where I would be without Him. This week's impossible work challenges I also overcame as a result of God's power. Nothing but mad love for the ultimate Father.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way

- James 1:2-4 (The Message)

Tow Woes
On Wednesday, my car got towed from the parking lot behind work. The way it works is this: you drive in, park your car, pay the ticket machine thing and print out a ticket, and place the ticket inside your car on the dashboard.

I haven't had any previous problems following those instructions. Until Wednesday. I did everything except the all important last step, putting the ticket on display. So when I walked to my parking spot after work and looked at the empty space, before my heart could complete its sinking motion, my head had already replayed the morning's actions and I knew what I had done...or not done.

We got the car back, but our parking expense for the day, instead of the usual $10, was $185. Big fat tired sigh.


And last but not least...

Hot and Spicy
(No, this is not related at all to the Rugby World Cup)

KFC hot and spicy chicken is "back" ... from wherever is usually goes before it periodically returns. Big yippee from me...I only like the spicy chicken from that place. So every time it returns, our little family has a KFC feed. Just the one...until the next time it returns.



You know where that's going. Straight to the bootay.

And that's where I leave you, folks. Looking a photo of a delicious piece of hot and spicy chicken thigh. Off I go to bed before I make a late night dash to the nearest KFC.

Virtual will

Will
noun
A legal document containing instructions as to what should be done with one's money and property after one's death


I have been planning to get my will done for a while now. I am the paranoid type and am constantly worrying about Lyla's welfare should something happen to me before she reaches adulthood. I am also the lazy procrastinating type, rescheduling my appointment with the Public Trust a few times now.

The driving force behind me getting a will done is pretty much to state Lyla's legal guardians in her parents' place. It must be someone who loves her nearly as much as I, because there ain't gonna be no money coming with that kid.

It's an embarrassing truth. When the Public Trust person starts listing my assets and liabilities, and they excuse themselves, I know they'll be having a good laugh at the back somewhere at how unbalanced my will is. I will pretty much be delegating who will be paying my loans, and I don't even have a mortgage...kalofa e. Any takers?

So I had a good think about what I do have, that may not be Public-Trust-will-worthy, but nevertheless will need to be passed on to those who will truly appreciate them. And I have come up with this.

I, Bina, daughter of the Most High God, aged 21 years, resident of Windy Wellington, do hereby revoke all my former Wills that I made when I was a pimply teenager in Saoluafata. I declare this to be my virtual Will until I actually get around to making my real will.

I maintain good health (barely), and possess a sound mind (mostly).

I hereby bequeath the following items as specified:

A. Collection of rugby pics: I leave this to Sleepless. I know you will be presented with a big burden to steward such an important collection, but I trust that you will do everything in your ability to look at the pictures every day and night and will not spare your life to keep them safe.

B. My Springboks jersey: I leave this to Stella. I don't know anyone with such limitless fanaticism, and more deserving of this most treasured article of clothing.

C. My boss: I leave him to Coconut Girl. You deserve a boss that recognises and rewards your hard work, that will give you his parking spot when you are preggo and don't want to walk from the carpark way down the road (I think you will find this perk especially useful ... lol), that encourages high standards but sets these by example. Because you're worth it.

D. My trusty laptop: I leave this to Laura. The laptop is actually from work, so make sure you get to my house first and nick it. The only condition is that you must Facebook, blog and YouTube on a daily basis with this laptop. Difficult, I know. You must put aside all that socialising and extrovert activities you are currently involved with.

E. My binoculars: I leave these to Kuaback. They will come in use for your ... ummm ... "bird watching" at the beach. Please feel free to share your findings with your virtual friends.

F. My husband: Are you serious, I don't trust him to any of you crazies!!

As witnessed by my five or so blog followers this beautiful but chilly Welly day.
Long live the queens. Over and out.

Shout out from the top

After a week of sleepless nights and intense work stress, I received a pleasant surprise today when our CEO called to tell me that I got a special mention/award thingy at our company's monthly meeting (which I was unable to attend since I'm the only-the-lonely loser working from Wellington while everyone else is in Auckland - but that's another story).




Not the award I got

 So I stand up here on the stage to receive my Oscar Geek award, and would like to give thanks to all those that have helped me achieve my goal of being Geek of the month.

1. God
The source of all my geekiness blessings. Thank you for providing an awesome job and boss, for always being faithful in answering prayer and for such favour at work.

2. Mum and Dad
For the genes. Sure, you also gave me thunder thighs, a flat head and hairy fingers, but the brain genes didn't turn out too bad. And thanks for paying my school fees at RLSS because I was too much of a wussy kid to survive public school.

3. Pati
The Duran to my Duran. For clearing Lyla out of my path when I'm at my most stressed, shouting me nice lunches when I need to get out of the office and understanding about me spending some nights with the laptop instead him.

4. My boss
Chances are if he read my blog I would not have received this award. So thankfully he has more important things to do, like running a great company that hires awesome fobs...actually, one fob.


Oh my goodness, I'm so overwhelmed...who else do I need to thank...

5. UPY science labs
By spending 9 hours every week sitting in labs, while the Arts and Commerce kids lounged and laughed at the canteen just outside the window, I was put off any career involving labs and stumbled blindly towards IT (because I was told they were paid well).

6. Angie
The lovely Malaysian lady that runs the Malaysian restaurant Sri Pinang on K'Road. Where I spent hours of bonding time with workmates while chowing on the best roti ever, and copious amounts of curry. Friday lunch at work has never been the same since I left Auckland. Thank you Angie, for filling me up so much with scrumptiousness, that I was able to handle the Friday afternoon brain haze by sleeping-with-eyes-open at my desk.

Ok, the music is playing really loud now...the ushers are dragging me off...but thank you last but definitely not least to my blog readers and the blogs I read, for the bucketloads of laughter in the wee hours of the morning that helped me to make it through to where I am today *tear*

God speak to me...quietly...

You can't fool God. I know, that's a dumb thing to say. Of course you can't fool God. He is all-knowing and all-powerful. But today, I had an experience first hand that was a reminder of this. God is watching us...but not quite from a distance (sorry, Bette...)

The past few weeks at church, the sermons have been based around the topic of Generosity. [Cue vigorous eye rolling and the-church-is-only-after-your-money mutterings]. I have found the sermons to be very challenging and also enlightening. I don't exactly view myself a stingy person, so initial thoughts before the Generosity series was "Oh ok, I know all this, but good to hear it anyway". Umm, no. Upon close examination I have found that I have a tendency to keep things close. And this is not restricted to finances either.

Example: I hog my time at home. When I come home from work I need me-time. Toddler, go entertain yourself in your room...why else did I buy you all those DVD's? Husband, I don't want to watch your YouTube clips of Samoan slaps and best league tackles. And no, I don't want to watch a movie. Are you serious? I need to work (and then return to my Bejewled game).

I label myself as "antisocial". So when I go to church, I sit at the second to last row on the far left. Well clear of any activity and attention. I don't speak to anyone, unless the pastor says "Say hello to the person on your right", then it's a quick hello, then look at feet and shuffle back to my seat.

So today, we were sitting in our usual spot (far left, second from back row). The nice lady that usually sat behind us wasn't there today. Instead there was a man that I had never seen before. Was he new? I mean, if I was an "established" member of the church, I would know for sure if he was a regular member or not, and was just sitting there because someone had taken his spot on the other side. Oh well, didn't think much of it.

As the service was coming to an end, I heard from God. Not through the pastor or the music team, but he quite clearly said to me "Say hello to the man behind you." WHAT? NO! Even as I was trying to excuse myself out of it, I realised how dumb that was since God was probably listening to my train of thought (and if he was me, cracking up at it). I told myself to calm down, it was probably nothing. I looked behind me and the man looked at me and smiled. I flashed a nervous smile, then bent over and busied myself with picking up Lyla's blocks, paper and crayons from the floor. Ok, that was finished too quickly. At this point, I grabbed Lyla who had fallen asleep during the service, and heaved her onto my shoulder while carrying my bag and her bag. So desperate was I to be "busy" and justify how I could not talk to this man!! Or at least be busy enough until he got up to leave and then I can be like "Oh darn, I was just about to say hi to him, but he's gone."

I heard it again. God saying - "Say hello to the man". OMG (ha!) ... sssshhhhhh!!!! Keep it down, what if that man can hear you?? Hubby stood up and looked behind us. At this point I thought - "Oh thank goodness, he will say hello". He smiled at the man, said "Hello", then started walking out the door. I automatically followed him (laden with bags and baby).

I walked past the man and I could hear in my head (this time it was clearly my voice and not God's) "Coward. You ask for God to speak to you, and what do you do with what he tells you? What are you scared of? Where is your faith? With what measure are you giving?" etc etc. I'm pretty harsh on myself usually, but this time...the burden. With each step I knew in my heart  I was disobeying God, and it was HARD.

By now I was behind the man. He was still sitting, at the end of the last row. I tapped him on the arm, he turned and I said "Hello, my name is Sina. I haven't seen you before...is this your first time?" I know, it's not the supernatural awesome words of wisdom you were expecting, but that's what I said. He stood up, smiled, and started talking. And from there it was easy. We chatted for quite a while, about me, about him, about this church, about Wellington. I could feel a genuine sense of gratitude from the man that someone had talked to him on his first day to church. What did I feel? Apart from relief :) I felt ... peace. No more battle in my head, fighting God, and trying to fool him. Lol. Seems silly now, but what an experience. Baby steps to generosity!

Luke 6:38 "For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you".

A birthday, Jesus and Bubbles

Bubbles is my baby sister. By baby I mean 8 years old. We went to our church Christmas production tonight, and about halfway through the play/show, she tapped my arm and asked "So Jesus would have been born tomorrow, but a long, long time ago?". Adorable and shocking. My own sister didn't know the meaning of Christmas. My bad. So I told her - Yes. Then we continued to watch the show.


At the end, the pastor gave an opportunity or invitation for those who wanted to know Jesus - the Light in the Dark. I had just opened my eyes slightly to give Lyla a stern look for being rowdy, and I saw Bubbles raise her hand to accept the invitation.


Merry Christmas, Bubbles. You have chosen to accept a gift more amazing than any of the ones you will be unwrapping tomorrow. A gift of love, full of promises that are renewed every day. A gift that is endless and that you can in turn pass onto others, sharing and shining the Light.