Thursday, December 11, 2014


This feels like some kind of voyage journal.

This is week 27. The seas have been rough. Food supplies are running low but the crew are in high spirits. Lol.

Anyway, this is week 27. What has happened?
  • We found out Spock the Speck is a girl. She is still Spock though, because why can't she be? Boys can wear tutus and girls can wear pants and we'll soon be zooming around in hovercrafts, right? (Huh)
  • Spock is active. Make that super active. Super hyper active. I go to bed to the beat of her kicking, and wake up to it. Whether I'm sitting or lying down, moving around or completely still, she kicks. The midwife reckons movement is a good sign. Yet in the back of my mind I wonder ... is this much movement really good? Ka'ilo. Maybe she's hungry. Or maybe she's saying please stop eating I'm running out of space in here. Bossy kid. Typical girl.
  • We went to Samoa for a couple of weeks. It was ... an adventure. Travelling with two young kids and one on the way, and not having the other parent to help on both flights to and from ... it near drove me mad. It was definitely not a "holiday". But it was home. And it was with my whole family, and we hadn't been together in Samoa for over a decade. So I guess that means it was good, right?
  • We are going to Fiji over New Year's. That's right, I get to do the whole travelling with kids and forming kid thing all over again, because I loved it so much the first time (refer above). Here's a handy hint: When you make big plans like book and pay for 2 international trips for your family in one year, do yourself a favour and use contraception.
  • I'll be over 30 week preggo while in Fiji. Oh Lord please don't let me give birth there. Not meaning anything negative towards the Fijian health system. I am just a super paranoid OCD type, and I need to give birth in Wellington Hospital with my own midwife, or else. Hear that, Spock? Or else!
  • McDonald's now have $1 Frozen Cokes ... a bit late to the party as Burger King has had that deal for years now. I don't know why I thought it was relevant to mention that here. Hmmm.
Ok, long boring update done. I promise the next post will be stimulating and quirky. Lol. Yea, if I got someone else to write it for me. Any volunteers? Be a darl and swing by KFC on the way over and get us a Wicked Wings lunch pack as well. Kisses!

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Whale update

I'm huge. Like, literally.

I eat everything. Like, literally.

I think I'm done with pregnancy. This is the last one! There will be no more funny business until someone gets the snip. Like ... ok, good luck with that one.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Recessive gene drama

That awkward moment when your own first cousin asks if your kid's dad is Chinese, even though you're married to a pureblood Samoan. OMG.

Then your own daughter declares, "I am from Samoa, and Anty is from China!" LOL.

I don't know what the big deal is. He's obviously a Samoan. See for yourself.

Monday, October 6, 2014


These crazy hormones have given me the amazing superpower of supreme knowledge of everything!

The man asks when Spock's due date is...
Me: "March 11th, but I would say it would be 1 to 2 weeks earlier."
Man: "Okaaay ... why?"
Me: "I don't think the lady who did our dating scan did it right."
Man: [confused] "Really?"

Now let me take a moment to explain that I have no medical training. I am not a midwife, an obstetrician, a radiologist, nor have I ever been a medical receptionist, or cleaner of any medical facility for that matter. Hence, the man's confusion. Now back to the story.

Me: "Yes. Remember, she was still a trainee and had a supervisor there to guide her?"
Man: [pretending to remember] "Uh-huh."
Me: "Well, she was supposed to be measuring crown-rump, but her hand was really unsteady and she wasn't quite getting it right. I reckon she dated us on a shorter crown-rump measurement than the baby's actual length. About a couple of weeks off."
Man: [now completely bewildered] "Okay."

Yep, it's lucky that I know everything, so we can just ignore all the medical professionals and listen to Google and the voices in my head (aka FIAPOKO!!). I've become one of those people that I loooooove to hate. Lord help me, but more so help the poor folks who cross my all-knowing path.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014


I'm a ray of sunshine today.

I'm working from home (what's new) with no car .

There's no bread in the house. No taro. No bananas. No bagels. No carbs. No point in going on. (OK maybe a tad dramad?)

I lost an hour of my morning on the ASOS website and coincidentally lost some money from my credit card around the same time. Weird.

The testers working with me on a project assigned me a "defect". It's not a defect. The only defect is in the workings of the brain of the person who didn't understand what was supposed to be happening. Hint: that person is not me.

BUT on the bright side ...

The sun is out in Wellington. That's on the same scale as pigs trying to fly.

The kids are both well and off to to be cared for and taught by paid professionals. Praise the LOOOOORRRRD!

I do have the Dominoes Pizza phone number, and a credit card. And they deliver. Get what I'm saying...?

Where there's a will, there's a wonderful Wednesday, wight?

Happy Humpday !!!

Monday, September 22, 2014

What to expect when you're expecting

Pregnancy hormones make a negro cray, so here are some activities you might want to ease up on.

1. Voting in any elections of any significance. Because you will vote for the underdogs. Who will probably lose. Then you will lament and vent on social media for them.

2. Going shopping. Because when you get charged full price at the checkout instead of the sale price shown on the racks, best believe you're gonna make them pay. At the expense of your dignity and your husband and children's pride.

3. Watching TV shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I usually shed a tear or two of joy at the end of such shows. But hormonal imbalances result in full waterworks requiring a whole box of tissues, and that aloe vera crap ain't cheap.

4. Listening to depressing songs. All of a sudden you can relate to every bloody person's heartaches and suffering. More crying ensues. More unnecessary expensive tissue usage. Sam Smith, get some help.

5. Exercising. Not only have your hormones loosened up your joints and crap, but your tummy will make you off-balanced and likely to look even more gumby than usual, and you realise you are forever doomed to be a flabby, wobbly whale. Which you aren't in reality, but somehow you'll convince yourself that's the truth. Cue more wailing and gnashing of teeth, followed by excessive consumption of chocolate and honey toast.

But it's a blessing right?

[Grit teeth] Right!

Vote negative

* This post contains rants about the NZ 2014 election results, so if you're not interested, move along.
* These are my own opinions based on my own observations and dot connection logic. If you don't like it, that's fine. If you don't agree, that's fine. If you start posting your rebuttals in my comment section, that's not fine. Capisce?
* I don't actually think ALL rugby players are dumb just most of them.

So the election results were disappointing.

I think the worst things about it for me were:

  1. The overwhelming majority of New Zealanders value money over people. Perhaps a naive and maybe inaccurate generalisation of Nat voters, but I can't help but feel that when people say that they're voting for the party that will be "best for New Zealand", they mean what's best for me. Looking out for number one. That kind of makes me feel sad. I also know people who vote for Nats because of their "more Godly morals" that will supposedly lead the nation into prosperity. Godly morals ... don't make me laugh. That's a load of white middle class cow dung that doesn't wash with me.
  2. All the Pacific Island "celebrities" who endorsed the Nats this election. It's easy to love the people who will help your stacks of money go further, aye brown brother. What are you doing to help your struggling people? I think you've taken one too many concussions, uce. Your moral compass is out of alignment. Didn't understand that? It means, Monique says you're dumb.
  3. Last but not least, I felt really bad for Hone. Weird. There's something about Hone I really respect. I can't put my finger on it. Anyway, I found it sad when he lost Te Tai Tokerau.

Oh and last thing, I hate the fact that I live in Peter Dumb Dunne's electorate. UGH ... yuck yuck yuck ... I feel tainted. In case you haven't figured it out, for the record I did not vote for him, and he does not represent me.  As Scar put it, I'm surrounded by idiots.

And on that positive, cheerful and encouraging note, have a blessed week punks. Back to the mines I go, Donkey needs more gold.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Work tips

When people ask stupid questions, do not vent in your reply to them, especially in an email.

Example Option 1: 
Email reply with: "Read the spec, you fool!"

Example Option 2:
Vent out loud: "Read the spec, you fool!"
Then email reply: "I will look into your query right away."

Until you win the Lotto jackpot, I recommend always choosing Option 2, for a long and prosperous career. Or just a long one.

Happy Humpday, dancers!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Not so good sorts

At the end of the Sunday news on (NZ) TV One, there's the little "Good Sorts" segment, a feel-good 5 minutes where they profile someone doing good things for others.

This is how we feel just after watching it
Do you think we are where we should be, doing what we should be doing?
Maybe our jobs are not fulfilling enough.
Should we be looking at being more generous of our time, serving others, etc etc
[Insert other deep and meaningful musings]

This is how we feel a few hours later ...
I have to stay up and finish that work deliverable that was due last week.
The kids are sick again. Bloody hell.
I can't believe it's Monday already?!
I don't want to go to work tomorrow.
[Insert plenty of moanings and groanings about our 99 first-world problems]

Sometimes the struggles in the mirror may appear realer than they are.
Sometimes they're da realest.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Hermit life

With each passing year, I become more and more antisocial. I prefer to call it "introverted". I like this definition that I came across:

Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.


I'm not mean, unfriendly or pessimistic. I just find being alone so damn therapeutic! Lol.

I think it's only something an introvert would understand.

I've been considering doing yoga for a while. The thought of getting old and having my body fall apart due to poor maintenance really worries. I thought yoga would be a nice and low intensity way to start.
Then I randomly found out that yoga comes on very early in the morning on one of the SKY channels. Excellent. I started doing the sessions, and surprisingly enough, I actually really enjoyed them!
Next thing you know, the husband's gym added yoga classes to their schedule. Knowing I wasn't into the whole high-intensity-spandex-weight-lifting hullaballo, his trainers suggested that perhaps I would be keen to come to the yoga classes. He thanked them and said he would let me know. They kept persisting, and the poor guy was trying to politely explain that it might not "be my thing". In other words, even if I was keen to do yoga, doing it with a whole group of people, let alone a group of fitness fanatics, well ... let's just say on my to-do list it would be just after eating slugs. Lol. The poor gym bunnies were confused. That must be the polar opposite of an introvert ... a gym bunny.

Anyway, so that's my story. No group workouts. No group therapy. No group anything.

Oh but I did find a book club that sounds so ideal. The organiser books a date, time and place (usually a cafe or bar). You turn up with a book of your choice, find whatever spot in the venue you fancy, and read your book. At the end of the scheduled time, you can meet at the bar and chat to the other book club members, or you can get up and leave without saying a word to anyone. It's like being with other people like you, doing something you all like to do, but doing it alone. It's introvert heaven.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Sunday, September 7, 2014


So I just started doing yoga at home.

Found out it comes on one of the SKY channels so ta-da, I don't need to pay to go in to yoga classes. Besides, ain't nobody got time to do camel toe displaying while trying to untangle their limbs.

So far I'm really enjoying it. I'm all about that downward dog aye. Lol!

Happy Father's Day, folks :D

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Old couples day out

Today the old guy and I took the day off from work to spend quality time together while the kids are at school. (Yes, young ones, it does get this tragic later on in life)

You know you're old buggers though, when you both sing along (loudly) to Bloodhound Gang in the car, not missing a lyric. And you doubly confirm your old age by understanding the "you'll Lovett just like Lyle" reference.

We went to Rebel Sports (his choice) then to Whitcoulls (my choice). And this is all before 10am! I mean, the party don't stop!!

After a few hours together though, we naturally just drifted back into our respective comfort zones. So I'm here on my laptop, doing some work. And he's off to the gym. Ain't nobody got tiiime for too much romantic interaction. After this wee break we'll be refreshed and ready for lunch together.

And dass how we do here in the old folks home.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Birthday musings

Today the shadow girl turns 6. That's right. Amazingly enough, we have managed to keep a little human being alive for 6 years!

So what exciting and elaborate plans do we have in store for the day, you ask?

Well, we told the birthday girl she gets to decide what she wants for her Special Birthday Breakfast, as well as her Special Birthday Dinner. Ooooh lucky! That's one of the comments I received when I shared the birthday plans with others.

Ummm, excuse me? She is actually a very privileged little girl. She has "things" that we could only dream of having when growing up as poor little mongrels. She has a warm house, warm clothing, is never hungry (OK, that one may not be true), has the care and attention of a mother and a father, cable TV. She will have a proper birthday party on Saturday even (and I'm not talking about the traditional island style ones where the guests are the parents' and grandparents' buddies, and the menu is BBQ and beer. Nom!). What I'm trying to say is ... she's got shit!

So pardon me for not rolling out yet another red carpet today, and hail her royal highness by throwing wads of cash everywhere. My kid has been taught to be appreciative and grateful, of whatever little or much she receives. If she hasn't earned it herself, then it's extra to the nothing that she would have had otherwise.

She actually was super excited about her special breakfast of pancakes and loved her glittery birthday card. It's the little things that matter. Stop being shallow, bloody generation of entitlement.

(And the musings have officially turned into a rant. LOL!)

On that note, Happy Birthday my little super shadow girl. You carry on being cheap awesome.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Ain't nobody got time (School Edition)

My shadow girl has been going to school for a year now. And in that year, I have found out that I am a pretty useless parent as far as "supporting the school" goes.

I dropped the kid off at daycare at 8am sharp, and picked her up at 5:30pm (just). They cooked for her, fed her, changed her, clothed her, educated her and entertained her. I just provided a home for sleeping at night.

I have to make morning tea and lunch for the kid to take. I have to arrange and pay for before-school care and after-school care. I get emails every week from the PTA asking if I want to help with the school disco, the school fair, organising school lunch fundraising or running cake stalls.

No? Then perhaps monitoring the school crossing will tickle your fancy. Or maybe you might like to try your hand at volunteering time to run a lesson for your child's weekly Inquiry day, where you could teach about your culture, your job, or anything else outside the regular curriculum.

Ok, maybe none of those suit. But surely your friends and family will want to purchase an Entertainment Book to support the school? Ok not this week, how about next week? The week after?

ARGH!!! Make. It. Stop.

The first few times I was like, damn, I'm not free, maybe next time. But the truth is, there is no next time. There is just no time. I struggle to stay alive as it is, and ensure my little humans stay alive too. Never mind the damn goldfish (who is only alive by the good grace of God). And the career (hanging on by a thread). Then there's homework, and those "things you can do at home to help your child's education" (like WTF?). So the school committee stuff? Well, it's on the priority list, but kind of squished at the end. (Like when you went to a birthday party when you were young, and only your rich friend brought a present and card, so the rest of your gang added your names at the end of the card and eventually it ran out of space so the last few names were really tiny and kind of running downwards)

So for the good mums and dads at the school who actually contribute to the school with their time and expertise, on behalf of the disorganised, lazy, dazed and confused parents, I say a heartfelt thanks. My kid benefits greatly from the quality of education and care that the school provides as a result of your input.

As for me, I'm gonna continue with my plan of upping my "school donation" to make up for my non-participation. Problem solved.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Lock up your husbands

So this chick is in Wellington this weekend.

If your husband (or wife even) is into training and hot chicks, no need to go looking for them when they go AWOL.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

No name shame

The little shadow's homework reading book tonight was called "My name is Laloifi".

It was a mission to even get past the title page, correcting her pronunciation of Laloifi a couple of hundred times.

I started to get angry at the damn book. Yea it's about a Samoan little girl, but why didn't they choose an easier name to pronounce?

Then we got to this page. Yep, that's why they chose that name. If someone's got a problem with your complicated name, the problem is theirs, not yours.

PS. I saw a young islander rugby player on TV tonight whose first name (I'm not making this up) was Wiseguy. Head up Wiseguy. Be proud of your name :)

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Dat moment ...

...when you get the "Are you OK" email from church because you've been AWOL. Then you think, surely it hasn't been that long? Then you try to remember the last time you went to church and you can't. Oops.

It is bad that what you think of when you wake up on a Sunday morning is going to the market to get a hot Sichuan soup or spicy bratwurst or soothing pho or sweet banana and chocolate crepe? Probably.

Please pray for my soul. And please pray that the damn Sichuan soup people are at the market today, because the last time I dragged my poor kids out on a bitterly cold Sunday morning so I could get my spice fix, they weren't there, so the kids caught a cold for nothing! ("Nothing" may or may not mean a combo of a beef burrito, chocolate crepe and caramel churros...)


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Right vs Ideal

So this recently happened:

Prior to the verdict, it was summarised by fellow crazy blogger here:

My heart breaks for the families of the two boys who died in the crash. Someone drove that truck too fast that night, and they don't even have the decency to be honest about it.

It got us thinking last night, the husband and I. If our kid was the reckless driver that night, what would be do? As parents, what would be our priority? Would we want to protect our child from the hardship and trauma that would come with imprisonment? Would we want to ensure their record was clear for the sake of their future interests and career paths? Would we be concerned with protecting the "family name"? Would we use everything and everyone in our power and influence to ensure our desired outcome was met? What would be the right thing to do?

Earlier this year, a young man in Christchurch got into a drunken brawl, as young men do. As a result, someone died, and the assaulter was charged with manslaughter. His parents were extremely saddened at the possibility of their son being imprisoned. When they were finally able to see their son prior to the hearing, they asked him if he was responsible for the victim's injuries, and therefore his death. When he answered yes, their advice to him were along these lines:
Although you did not intend to kill this man, as a result of your actions, he is now dead. In court, you must tell the truth in your plea. Do not lie. In the likelihood that you will be imprisoned, know that we love you, and will visit you regularly. But this is what is right.

The young man pleaded guilty to the manslaughter charge.

Out of the two contrasting cases - one where a family would shelter and protect their child from the consequences of their actions, disregarding the value and impact on the victim's family, and the other where a family face and learn from the consequences and teach their child to do the same - which would you be, if put in the same situation?

I know which one I would hope to be.

Friday, August 8, 2014


So when I'm not crying about how useless I am at my job, being a wife and mother, I'm moonlighting as a wannabe food reviewer. Hahaha. Yea whatever, pei lava ga masagi ai.

Wellington is a food haven though, and when I do remember (i.e. once every couple of years) I like to share my food experiences with others who are out there searching for culinary truth. HA!! Again, ua muliga Jamie Spitty Oliver ma Gordon Fiafaikeige Ramsay.

Anyway, if you want to know how much money I don't have that I'm wasting and where I got this tummy / ass / arm flaps / chin, go and have a faikala and a laugh:

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


Some of the mindless time-wasting things we do is go through Seek and look at other job opportunities, i.e. more money (lesbehonest).

Him: "What about this one?" [reads out job description]
Me: "Yea, I could do that."
Him: "What about [blah blah blah]?"
Me: "You know what job I'm really interested in? Can you check if there are any openings for a 'Lady Of Leisure'? Or how about 'Millionairess'?"

Eka, if only.

Back to reality and the grind we go. The baby needs more nappies, the girl's birthday is coming up.
Also, we kind of went overboard on our KFC Hot and Spicy obsession of late, so the bank is empty and the tummy rolls overflowing. Se ty-oh ia.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Bout dat life

This weekend a few friends of mine are coming down from Auckland for a "girls weekend" in Welly. That's how tragic my social skill are, that after 4 years of moving to Wellington I'm still a loner, and I have to either fly to Auckland to see people or have them fly down to visit me. PA-thetic.

So, now to the weekend. The thought of trying to plan activities for the weekend, and then plan for the kids while I'm not around, it's so draining. To be fair, I should really just leave it to the man and trust that he and the clones will be alive when I return. And the girls are so low-maint and Wellington is relatively easy to get around and fuss free. So what the hell am I worried about??

The real problem is that I'm so hermatised (new word!) that the mere thought of leaving the house to do something potentially fun is setting all the alarm bells off. Again, pathetic! Besides, I just received the rest of the Ender's quintet books and I could just read for days ...

So I'm trying to psych myself up:

  • I get to chat and gossip for hours with the girls
  • Hell, I get to talk in normal adult-speak and not a baby voice or in scolding lingo
  • I get to wear as uncomfortable an outfit as I want
  • I get the option of eating out at an establishment that doesn't need to have highchairs, a kids' menu or wide tables in case of swinging baby arms/thighs or flying bottles
  • I get to moan about how sleep-deprived I am. Oh wait, I do that right now ...
I'm tired just thinking about it. And I'm so sleep-deprived! Sorry Miley, but we is not bout dat life.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Everything is awesome

Oh so the annoying Lego song says.

Going to Auckland for a one-day visit to see the family. Just me and kids. I will need to pop a whole bottle of patience pills before each flight...BUT I'm really looking forward to seeing my family. Wellington is a lovely city, but it's a lonely one too. I miss people I know. I don't want to know new people, I like the ones I already have, but I don't really have them because they're too far. Sigh.

So drastic introvert measures have been taken: instead of taking the kids to the park and meeting new people there, I'm taking them up to Auckland for one day to see the ones we already know. Same diff. Problem solved. Bank account smashed. #care

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Smiley face

When I see a smiley emoticon, I tend to think that more often than not it alludes to the preceding statement/question meaning more than it seems to say.

For example:
"You look happy [smiley face]" possibly means "Whoa who ate all the pies?"
"My bad [smiley face]" maybe means "I'm pretty much the biggest ass on the planet right now."

So when the landlord texts:
"I've never seen so many leaves down the side path before [smiley face]"
it must not mean something good.

How about you give us notice before you come onto the property like you're supposed to? And how about you fix the leaking roof and let the leaves decay and return the nutrients to the soil like how nature intended? [smiley face]

Monday, June 23, 2014

When I see you

When I see you in the next life ...

Although we have never seen each other before, I will know it's you, and you will know it's me.

Sally. According to Noel Gallagher, she is the sister of Lyla. That's you. The sister of Lyla. Sally.

Nearly 3 years on, and I still miss you.

Thursday, January 30, 2014


It's no secret I hate those "inspirational" / "motivational" fitness quote and memes. Most of the ones I see are gung-ho and make no sense, and it doesn't help that the accompanying photo is usually of a virtually naked tight-bodied cow bitch woman.

But one has caught my eye which I like. A lot. It's logical and (against all odds) actually motivates me during that pivotal decision making point. The same point each day, to be exact, i.e. should I exercise today or not? Lol.

So for the immense help on my quest to get some kind of hotness back into this weary baby-production-retiree body, I give a shout out to none other than our very own (yea, I'll claim him on behalf of Samoa) Robert Louis Stevenson. Thanks Bobby. Today's Tabata session goes out to you!

Thursday, January 23, 2014


The mother-in-law is visiting from Samoa. While she was playing with La and her train set yesterday, I overheard things I don't usually hear around young kids' playtime ...

La: "Choo-choo! Let's race the trains around the track."
[train derails]
La: "Oh no! We've got an accident. Ambulance!!"
MIL: "Oh no, there is only one person alive. Everyone else is dead!" [cracks up laughing]
La: "AMBULANCE! Help!"
MIL: "They're all dead!"

I'm pretty sure I heard wrong.

La: "Let's start the race again."
[train derails]
La: "Oh no! Another accident. Ambulance! Doctor!"
MIL: "There is no doctor available. The doctors are all drunk."

Oh, ok. Maybe I didn't hear wrong.

Thankfully we didn't have any little friends over for a playdate. Imagine the gems they would have taken home with them. Lol.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

'Ello poppet

I am back from the depths of childbirth! (Yay)

What a bloody hard last couple of months.

Had a baby, had my whole fam descend on our place for the Christmas week, then immediately after had the folks-in-law staying (still to depart).

I have forgotten what a good sleep feels like. Or what having a relatively okay body feels like.

So I've signed myself onto myfitnesspal and started religiously tracking my eating in the (futile) attempt to regain some sort of acceptable body shape and functionality. Which means I'm hungry a lot. Lol.

Actually, the truth is, as easy as it would be for me to starve for weight loss, breastfeeding demands proper nutrition. The baby dictates everything. How I eat, when I sleep, when to pull my boobs out, when I can interact with other humans. I can't even deal.

So in summary, I'm now a hungry fat milk zombie with no income (i.e. no sense of control ... lol), living life one 3 1/2 hour feeding interval at a time. Goooood luck.