Wednesday

I'm a ray of sunshine today.

I'm working from home (what's new) with no car .

There's no bread in the house. No taro. No bananas. No bagels. No carbs. No point in going on. (OK maybe a tad dramad?)

I lost an hour of my morning on the ASOS website and coincidentally lost some money from my credit card around the same time. Weird.

The testers working with me on a project assigned me a "defect". It's not a defect. The only defect is in the workings of the brain of the person who didn't understand what was supposed to be happening. Hint: that person is not me.

BUT on the bright side ...

The sun is out in Wellington. That's on the same scale as pigs trying to fly.

The kids are both well and off to to be cared for and taught by paid professionals. Praise the LOOOOORRRRD!

I do have the Dominoes Pizza phone number, and a credit card. And they deliver. Get what I'm saying...?

Where there's a will, there's a wonderful Wednesday, wight?

Happy Humpday !!!

What to expect when you're expecting

Pregnancy hormones make a negro cray, so here are some activities you might want to ease up on.

1. Voting in any elections of any significance. Because you will vote for the underdogs. Who will probably lose. Then you will lament and vent on social media for them.

2. Going shopping. Because when you get charged full price at the checkout instead of the sale price shown on the racks, best believe you're gonna make them pay. At the expense of your dignity and your husband and children's pride.

3. Watching TV shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I usually shed a tear or two of joy at the end of such shows. But hormonal imbalances result in full waterworks requiring a whole box of tissues, and that aloe vera crap ain't cheap.

4. Listening to depressing songs. All of a sudden you can relate to every bloody person's heartaches and suffering. More crying ensues. More unnecessary expensive tissue usage. Sam Smith, get some help.

5. Exercising. Not only have your hormones loosened up your joints and crap, but your tummy will make you off-balanced and likely to look even more gumby than usual, and you realise you are forever doomed to be a flabby, wobbly whale. Which you aren't in reality, but somehow you'll convince yourself that's the truth. Cue more wailing and gnashing of teeth, followed by excessive consumption of chocolate and honey toast.

But it's a blessing right?

[Grit teeth] Right!

Vote negative

Warnings: 
* This post contains rants about the NZ 2014 election results, so if you're not interested, move along.
* These are my own opinions based on my own observations and dot connection logic. If you don't like it, that's fine. If you don't agree, that's fine. If you start posting your rebuttals in my comment section, that's not fine. Capisce?
* I don't actually think ALL rugby players are dumb just most of them.


So the election results were disappointing.

I think the worst things about it for me were:

1. The overwhelming majority of New Zealanders value money over people. Perhaps a naive and maybe inaccurate generalisation of Nat voters, but I can't help but feel that when people say that they're voting for the party that will be "best for New Zealand", they mean what's best for me. Looking out for number one. That kind of makes me feel sad. I also know people who vote for Nats because of their "more Godly morals" that will supposedly lead the nation into prosperity. Godly morals ... don't make me laugh. That's a load of white middle class cow dung that doesn't wash with me.
2. All the Pacific Island "celebrities" who endorsed the Nats this election. It's easy to love the people who will help your stacks of money go further, aye brown brother. What are you doing to help your struggling people? I think you've taken one too many concussions, uce. Your moral compass is out of alignment. Didn't understand that? It means, Monique says you're dumb.
3. Last but not least, I felt really bad for Hone. Weird. There's something about Hone I really respect. I can't put my finger on it. Anyway, I found it sad when he lost Te Tai Tokerau.

Oh and last thing, I hate the fact that I live in Peter Dumb Dunne's electorate. UGH ... yuck yuck yuck ... I feel tainted. In case you haven't figured it out, for the record I did not vote for him, and he does not represent me.  As Scar put it, I'm surrounded by idiots.

And on that positive, cheerful and encouraging note, have a blessed week punks. Back to the mines I go, Donkey needs more gold.

Work tips

When people ask stupid questions, do not vent in your reply to them, especially in an email.

Example Option 1: 

Email reply with: "Read the spec, you fool!"

Example Option 2:

Vent out loud: "Read the spec, you fool!"

Then email reply: "I will look into your query right away."

Until you win the Lotto jackpot, I recommend always choosing Option 2, for a long and prosperous career. Or just a long one.

Happy Humpday, dancers!

Not so good sorts

At the end of the Sunday news on (NZ) TV One, there's the little "Good Sorts" segment, a feel-good 5 minutes where they profile someone doing good things for others.

This is how we feel just after watching it

Do you think we are where we should be, doing what we should be doing?

Maybe our jobs are not fulfilling enough.

Should we be looking at being more generous of our time, serving others, etc etc

[Insert other deep and meaningful musings]

This is how we feel a few hours later ...

I have to stay up and finish that work deliverable that was due last week.

The kids are sick again. Bloody hell.

I can't believe it's Monday already?!

I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

[Insert plenty of moanings and groanings about our 99 first-world problems]

Sometimes the struggles in the mirror may appear realer than they are.

Sometimes they're da realest.

Hermit life

With each passing year, I become more and more antisocial. I prefer to call it "introverted". I like this definition that I came across:

Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Amen!

I'm not mean, unfriendly or pessimistic. I just find being alone so damn therapeutic! Lol.

I think it's only something an introvert would understand.

Example

I've been considering doing yoga for a while. The thought of getting old and having my body fall apart due to poor maintenance really worries. I thought yoga would be a nice and low intensity way to start.

Then I randomly found out that yoga comes on very early in the morning on one of the SKY channels. Excellent. I started doing the sessions, and surprisingly enough, I actually really enjoyed them!

Next thing you know, the husband's gym added yoga classes to their schedule. Knowing I wasn't into the whole high-intensity-spandex-weight-lifting hullaballo, his trainers suggested that perhaps I would be keen to come to the yoga classes. He thanked them and said he would let me know. They kept persisting, and the poor guy was trying to politely explain that it might not "be my thing". In other words, even if I was keen to do yoga, doing it with a whole group of people, let alone a group of fitness fanatics, well ... let's just say on my to-do list it would be just after eating slugs. Lol. The poor gym bunnies were confused. That must be the polar opposite of an introvert ... a gym bunny.

Anyway, so that's my story. No group workouts. No group therapy. No group anything.

Oh but I did find a book club that sounds so ideal. The organiser books a date, time and place (usually a cafe or bar). You turn up with a book of your choice, find whatever spot in the venue you fancy, and read your book. At the end of the scheduled time, you can meet at the bar and chat to the other book club members, or you can get up and leave without saying a word to anyone. It's like being with other people like you, doing something you all like to do, but doing it alone. It's introvert heaven.

When you see it

Kids' photo for Father's Day

Yoga

So I just started doing yoga at home.

Found out it comes on one of the SKY channels so ta-da, I don't need to pay to go in to yoga classes. Besides, ain't nobody got time to do camel toe displaying while trying to untangle their limbs.

So far I'm really enjoying it. I'm all about that downward dog aye. Lol!

Happy Father's Day, folks :D